Then the devil took him up to a very high mountain, and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in their magnificence, and he said to him, “All these I shall give to you, if you will prostrate yourself and worship me.”
At this, Jesus said to him, “Get away, Satan! It is written: 'The Lord, your God, shall you worship and him alone shall you serve.'”
Then the devil left him and, behold, angels came and ministered to him.
Matt 4:8 – 11
Since I was interested in the paranormal, I became drawn to a fellow dormer whose third eye was “open”. I was in her room one time when I felt a presence was with us. I was scared and I clung to her for protection. She seemed to drive it away somehow and I felt safe again. I did not realize I was committing idolatry—I was turning to a human person for protection against what I perceived was a paranormal threat. I did not turn to God.
Yet even now, says the Lord, return to me with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning; rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the Lord, your God. Joel 2:12 – 13
A life-changing book for me was Unmasking the New Age by Douglas R. Groothius. I realized that I was trying to gain paranormal knowledge, a metaphorical fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, so I could be more like God—not in a loving way, but in a powerful way.
After reading the book and realizing my sins, I threw away my Silva Mind Control paraphernalia, including the certificate (which allowed you to get a free review of the seminar anytime anywhere). I encountered familiar parts of the seminar reincarnated in the form of PSI's Basic Leadership Seminar, and later into OCCI. Thankfully, this time, I knew where to stand.
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Still my understanding was sorely lacking. I still did not appreciate the mass. I had reached a point where I thought the prayer meeting could be a substitute for the mass. My new community after college was very creative and excellent in their worship—way more exciting than the mass.
Eventually, the group died out. I felt lost. Without a community, where do I go to find God?
I read a book called The Dark Side of Catholicism by Armando Ang and I was now questioning the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. I was in a crisis of faith. But what helped me out was another book, Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic by David B. Currie. It was the story of a person who converted to the Catholic faith. For me, it was unusual. I knew of friends who converted to fundamentalist Christian groups but not the other way around.
My sister was now involved in a community in Alabang which had a lively appreciation for the Catholic faith. As she shared what she was learning, I was growing to love the faith I was born in. We read Rome Sweet Home by Scott Hahn, another convert to Catholicism. I was now seeking information on the Catholic faith. I was becoming a regular mass goer. I was watching EWTN.
While I was employed in a global outsourcing firm (let's call it company B), my prayer life strengthened. After the graveyard shift, I would catch the mass at Greenbelt Chapel as often as possible. I would sometimes offer up a fast from food before going to mass. For Lent, I offered up what to me was most important at the time... I was infatuated with a young chef who had opened a deli near our office. We were becoming friends but for Lent I had decided I would not visit or go near the shop for the duration of Lent. It might sound funny now but at the time it was a real sacrifice for me.
Friends from my new community, the Light of Jesus Family, invited me to go visit churches, which was the first time I ever experienced it.
My memories have blurred together as to the exact chronological sequence of events but it was during my work at Company B that I tried to do a Bisita Iglesia on my own, visiting seven churches on foot in the Makati area. This was the first time I venerated the cross, witnessed the foot washing, and participated in Church activities live instead of watching them on TV.
I learned to make little sacrifices hoping they were made with much love. After the sacrifice of the chef, the next year, I gave up one Facebook game for Lent, which I have not played since. I had a habit of repeating songs over and over on my i-pod if I liked a song. So as a sacrifice, I offered up NOT repeating any song I liked and letting the random play continue on. One Lent, I offered up my favorite dark chocolate. I regularly offered my work. I confessed frequently, at one time even going thrice in one week in trying to overcome a habitual sin, which by the grace of God is no longer habitual today.
About a week before I gave this sharing, it seemed my weakness for a certain sin was particularly persistent. But with a little sacrifice of food, the temptation grew less makulit.
From a wounded and hungry sinner who disliked the rosary, I converted to become a passionate Charismatic who dabbled in the new age, did not appreciate the mass, and almost stopped believing in the Eucharist. The conversion is ongoing so that today, I am a passionate Catholic who wants to go to mass often, wishes to be more consistent in praying the rosary, and is studying at the Divine Word School of Theology to deepen my understanding of the faith I have recently come to appreciate. The conversion continues. Thanks be to God.
I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work in you will continue to complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. Phil 1:6
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Reflection questions:
Do I have any idols in my life which hinder me from giving my all to God?
What little sacrifices can I offer up this Lenten season?
I am saved, I am being saved, and I will be saved—because of your grace! You are my hope, Lord. Grant me the grace to work out my salvation in fear and trembling, to persevere until the end, to finish the race and win the crown of life.
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